Too many tears for one day. I’m so tired, I can’t even keep my eyes open. All I want is him in my bed with me, arm around me, kissing my forehead or the back of my neck. I need him right now, but I can feel myself losing him. I’m losing the most important thing in my life. I’m losing my baby.
Today, I told my boyfriend he needed to change and be better, or I was leaving. I’ve warned him 3 times already. He came over and we cried together, wiping each others tears away. He said he was sorry and that he can’t lose me. I said okay. The thing that hit me the hardest was the way he was touching me. He touched me like i was going to disappear and he would never be able to touch me again. He stroked my face and my neck and collar bone, ran his fingers through my hair, wrapped me in a tight hug, and looked at me like that was the last time he would look at me as his love. And the sad thing is, he could have been right.
I am lonely a lot.
And you would think that is the last thing I would be feeling because I have someone to love. But I’m starting to feel like I don’t even have him anymore.
Boyfriend says,
“Babe, I want a baby girl sooo bad… I can’t wait, so you’re getting pregnant as soon as you turn 19, okay?”
Me,
“lol uhm….”
Was just on the phone listening to my boyfriend cry. Because of me. Therefore I cried. And then we cried together. For two hours. I’m a terrible person. And I won’t let myself forget it. And that will lead to me losing everything. Just like last time.
Best friend who has:
~been fingered
~been eaten out
~given blow jobs
~given hand jobs
~been fully groped
~bought condoms
I told this best friend that I lost my virginity, and she called me a bad person. She told me she would never do such a terrible thing. She said it was sacred. She told me I shouldn’t have given it away. She told me she had self respect. She pretty much called me a slut because I had sex with a guy who’s been my best friend for years, and my boyfriend for 10 months. I’m tired of being looked down upon by someone who is standing on the same level ground as I am. Stop judging me, and look in the mirror. I’d rather be a “slut” and be true to myself, than act like a saint who just happens to have a dick in her mouth.
I lost my virginity today. My boyfriend came over, we made out in bed, and he took my shorts and underwear off. We both went down on each other, and when he decided it was time, he just pulled down his underwear and I guided him in slowly. It hurt, but it was amazing. We went full force for a while. When he was finished, he layed on top of me, still inside of me but not moving, and kissed my forehead, cheeks, and lips very lightly. Told me that he loved me, and hugged me. After, we just layed there together, and he gave me my Christmas present, a ring (aquamarine and white sapphires) and we were just two kids in love.
