There was a little girl at a park, must have been 4 or 5. I guess I made her up to be the baby sister of my recently dead friend. She was up at the highest part of the playground, and was standing there ready to jump. I called out to her, running towards her, only hoping I could catch her in time. She jumped and aimed her head at the ground, and I missed her. But she jumped wrong and landed on her shoulder and side unharmed. I ran up to her and asked her,”why would you jump like that? Are you trying to kill yourself?” and she simply looked at me and in her tiny child’s voice she told me, seriously, “mommy said if I wasn’t careful, I would break my neck or crack my skull open if I fell. So I tried to. I want to go see my sissy in heaven.” and I picked her up and held her to me close, and I cried. And then I woke up to a tear-stained pillow, and couldn’t force myself back to sleep, no matter how much I wanted to and tried. And I can’t understand how I could think of something like that. Why I’m being tortured after all this time.